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192 – Fearfully And Wonderfully Made

Daughter Dee lives in Maryland with me. Dee had a wonderful upbringing in Philadelphia, PA where she was cherished and celebrated on her birthdays. When she was fresh out of college Dee’s adoptive mother passed away. Dee learned she was adopted and her world turned into a question mark while mourning.

As a late discovery adoptee (LDA), she faced secondary rejection, unanswered questions. And misattributed parentage.

This is daughter D’s journey

Who Am I Really?

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192 Fearfully And Wonderfully Made

Cold Cut

[00:00:00] Daugther Dee: the mother that raised me, you know, when it came time for my birthday, you know, I was celebrated

and I just felt like, you know, I was being tolerated, not celebrated. Oh. And that, that quality time wasn't there, , that I was expecting, you know, and then I started feeling like the whole abandonment again,

Show Open

[00:00:30] Damon: I'm Damon Davis. And today you're going to meet daughter D who lives right here in Maryland with me. Dee had a wonderful upbringing where she was cherished and celebrated on her birthdays. When her adoptive mother passed away. Dee learned and she was adopted and her world turned into a question mark while morning.

As a late discovery adoptee, she faced secondary rejection, unanswered questions. And misattributed parentage. This is daughter D's journey


[00:00:56] Damon: Dee grew up in [00:01:00] Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. She said she had a wonderful childhood going from kindergarten through college, feeling unconditional love from her parents.

When Dee was 23 years old, she was a year out of college on Memorial day weekend when her mom had gotten sick and she was rushed to the hospital. Dee's sister, who lived in Germany at the time, flew home to be with their mother who was in critical condition.

[00:01:22] Daugther Dee:

And she comes home cuz we're all, you know, trying to prepare for mom's. Passing and just the illness and everything that happened. And she tells me she was adopted. And I said, well, what about me? You know, she says, I don't know about you, but here's the name of the agency where they adopted me from. And I said, well, when she gets, well, we'll all sit down and talk about it. She never gets well, she dies. And I find out that the truth was that I was adopted as well. They went through the same agency for both of us. And my mother [00:02:00] takes a secret to the grave with her.

[00:02:01] Damon: Wow.

[00:02:02] Daugther Dee: And then my adoptive father was still living. And I remember making him a nice dinner and sitting down with him and seeing dad, you know, when were you gonna tell us? And he said, they kept putting it off and putting it off and putting it off. And after a while it was, he said it was like, why bother to say anything?

[00:02:20] Damon: Mm, geez. That is crazy. Wow. First, I'm sorry for how you found out to have it come about. At a time of such grief already as you're losing your mother, but then to have this earth shattering information come at you at the same time must have been absolutely horrible. Wow. Can I ask, do you recall any feeling whatsoever of being different than your family when you were growing up before you knew.

[00:02:54] Daugther Dee: Yeah, I thought I was different, but I, I asked questions, but I accepted [00:03:00] them and I didn't investigate further. So I was the youngest, but I was always the tallest, , out of my siblings and, well, I had an older brother too, but he was my mother's biological son, but our father legally adopted all of us. We were raised in a Christian home. We went to the African Methodist Episcopal church every Sunday, and it was a traditional family life. My father, he was the provider he worked and my mother stayed at home when we were small. We were young and. We had good family values.

Good traditions always celebrated birthdays holidays. And. It was the American dream. My father later, I remember interviewing him before he died. I said, well, no, what were your dreams? What did you always want? He said, you know, everything I ever wanted was a family, a family, a house, and a pension. That's what he got, you know, like old.

And he was a, [00:04:00] a world war II veteran. So like what more could you ask for.

[00:04:05] Damon: Yeah, simple life. And he was,

[00:04:07] Daugther Dee: yeah. And he was 12 years. My mother's senior. So when my mother adopted me, I was two and a half months and she was 35 and he was 47 mm-hmm oh, wow. So he was older. So he was like a father and a grandfather to me all in one

[00:04:21] Damon: D shared that her sister told her that they were both adopted and then she just kept on telling her story. I figured that had to have been a surreal moment for her to learn something so life altering about herself so i asked Dee to go back it tell me more about the moment she heard the news

[00:04:37] Daugther Dee: so ironically, I was sitting on my, , childhood bed I had a, like a twin size bed and I still have it today.

Mm-hmm and we were sitting in my room. And she starts telling me, you know, she found these papers before she left for Germany. And, , she wanted, , to, you know, look into it more and found out, you [00:05:00] know, she was really adopted. And, and then I, I was like shocked, you know? And I said, well, what about me? And she says, well, I don't know about you, but here's the name of the agency.

And. You know, I was really focused on mom getting well, like I was thinking about it, but then I wasn't thinking about it. Cuz I wanted to, the, the priority was to make sure she got well, and then we could all sit down and talk about it. Yeah. And she never, you know, she never got well

[00:05:27] Damon: so in the aftermath of her passing, what went through your mind then going back to, I mean, I'm sure there's this time of grieving, but it's also probably some confused, grieving too.

If there's this question of her parentage to you, like what, how did you end up getting to a point of actually thinking about your status as an adoptee versus their biological.

[00:05:54] Daugther Dee: Yeah. So the year was 1991 and I was a year out of college. So I was a young woman [00:06:00] at 23, just finding my way in the world that didn't even have my first job yet. You know, already the, you know, I get my student loan paperwork in the mail that I owe this, and I had my degree in one hand, no job, but I'm also grieving, you know, the loss of my mother.

And I decided that I wanted to do a search. and still not processing, you know, all this is really happening. Know mom's gone. I found I'm adopted, I'm trying to find a new career, start my life and trying to get counseling in prayer and all of that. And I decided, um, to do research and I found my birth mother, like by labor day, my mother died June 14th and by labor day, She was found in

[00:06:50] Damon: September.


[00:06:51] Daugther Dee: Really? Yes. It was pretty quick.

[00:06:54] Damon: It does sound quick. Yeah.

[00:06:55] Daugther Dee: How did you do that? Well, so fortunately, I had a social worker that [00:07:00] worked at the agency that read me all my nine identifying information. And this is one thing I like about having an intercessor. Someone that could do the work for you versus nowadays, people are writing these letters and trying to do it themselves, but the social worker had reached out to her.

And, um, you know, told her, um, that, you know, your daughter's been found, you know, would you like to meet her? . And I remember her prepping me before all that unfolded, after she read that it was like the two typewritten pages non-identifying information. And she says, um, now I need to warn you. They , may not wanna meet you.

Mm. And then she said, or they may be

[00:07:41] Damon: diseased. And what did you think when you heard that?

[00:07:45] Daugther Dee: I thought. Okay. I need to be prepared for this, but at the same time, I wanted to meet them because I wanted medical information that didn't have for 23 years. I'm going to the doctors, all my life, giving them my adoptive parents [00:08:00] information.

I wanted to see some pictures to see who I looked like. Cuz I struggled with some body images growing up mm-hmm and the whole genetic mirroring was important to me. Mm-hmm and. at the time where I had this loss, you know, I wanted to receive some gains, you know, as far, I mean, not anything financial, but just more love and support

[00:08:22] Damon: yeah.

So wins in the win column versus right. For lack of better words, you know, the losses that you're feeling in their life do to exactly your mother is passing your, now clearer understanding of your relation or non relation to her, et cetera. That is a lot going.

[00:08:41] Daugther Dee: Wow. Yeah. And then, and then I started thinking about my own mortality.

Mm-hmm as well thinking about what, if something happens to me? Mm. Or if I wait several years to do the search, you know, they may be deceased the birth parents mm-hmm or other people may die. Yes. And I should take this off, [00:09:00] you know, even though I was still grieving, I was a young. I had this sense of urgency, not to wait any longer

[00:09:06] Damon: Did you have this feeling at, so the process to search for someone is not, you don't just, you know, you initiate the process, but you have to fill out forms and you have to answer questions and you have to be sort of, you have to speak to your social worker and all this other kind of stuff.

Did you have this feeling of disbelief? Like, I can't believe this has actually happened. Like I have to actually

[00:09:26] Daugther Dee: do this. I was in shock. I mean, I remember when she read me all the information, I was like, this is someone else's life . It was like, it was a soap opera for some TV movie or something. I said, this isn't real.

Yeah. Like, huh. Huh. Like how could I have been naive all these years and not news this, you know, it was, it was just mind boggling, but it's just

[00:09:50] Damon: unbelievable. Yeah. But as we said, if you're raised in the shroud. Of an untruth. You don't know that there's truth on the other side of some veil. Right? [00:10:00] Right. You just don't know what's there and I'm sure it was very shocking to learn that this had been, you know, the, the true, what they call chapter one of your life.

Right. Versus what you had grown up to believe.

Hearing her non identifying information. D learned some of the details of her beginning that were gaps in her story that she hadn't thought about asking her parents. She didn't ask about her birth weight for example. But that fact was in the records.

Dee had been born in a leap year. So she wondered if her birth date March 1st had really been February 29th, all kinds of questions she never had before we're bubbling up. Deegan information about her birth mother's life, the woman's siblings and information about their careers.

But there was nothing about her birth father.

Back in the 1990s, the white pages of phone book listing all kinds of businesses was the information accessibility of the day. All of D's maternal uncles, and one aunt were [00:11:00] listed in the white pages. So they were easy to locate. Using information, her uncles and aunt provided the social worker was able to locate D's birth mother.

The intercessor contacted D to say she had found the woman and she wanted to meet D. This was unfolding in 1991. So the women began writing letters to one another. Di didn't meet the woman who lived in Georgia until the following year after she had already met her uncles and cousins in Philadelphia. Each uncle met Dee individually with their wives and children then on labor day weekend everyone got together for the holiday except these birth mother

[00:11:39] Daugther Dee: Yeah. Everyone was looking at me trying to see who I look like. I mean, you know, looking at my nostrils and my face, I mean, literally inspecting me, like checking me out. Like, you know, because it's, it's the kind of thing, like mama's baby Papa's maybe, you, remember when your sister was pregnant, you know?

Right. [00:12:00] So right. They was checking me out and everything and , you know, I felt like I was on display. And kind of like the Antoine Fisher movie where he met all the relatives and they were, this is your cousin. So, and so this is your aunt, so, and so, you know, he, a lot of attention was on him. Mm-hmm yeah.

And it's the same type of thing. Like you're the star, like you're, you're the one everyone wants to meet, you know, they they've got a million questions. Yes.

[00:12:26] Damon: It's a, it's an odd sense of. like starting to get answers and closure, but pressure because there's so many eyes on you and it's, there's this analysis of, you know, you in this moment and an evaluation of where you've been leading up to that moment, right?

Who is this person walking in the door, walking into this event and you know, how do they look like the us? Are we gonna like them? Are they gonna like us, all of these other things, like there's a lot on those. So you made it through [00:13:00] this meeting. I presume you found some folks that you like and connected with and mm-hmm but you still haven't met your birth mother yet.

How did that come about?

[00:13:09] Daugther Dee: Well, I talked to her on the phone and we were letter writing and swapping pictures and all of that. But could you see, I didn't her, I saw some characteristics, some facial features, some physical characteristics. Mm-hmm but I, I didn't meet her right away. I, I waited till the following year.

March of 92. And I decided that I wanted to meet her around my birthday, , that my birthday month during my birthday month. And cause I thought I wanna meet my birth mother during my birthday month. Everything will be grand . And I remember my father, my adopted father. We flew down there together.

And he stayed with,, her father who lived down the street. My grandfather. From her. And then I stayed with her and her husband and the son, [00:14:00] and, you know, it was like, you know, she wanted to call Oprah. And I was like, no, we're not calling Oprah. like, even though she was joking, but I just was like, you know, I really wanted to have a one to one chat, you know, in person about everything.

I had a lot of questions and, um, my, the plan was that I would stay with her and I did for a week. but she didn't take off any

time from work. She worked every day and just spent time in the evenings. Yeah. And that, wasn't what I was expecting. I, I didn't know how to manage expectations. Back then. , because the mother that raised me, you know, when it came time for my birthday, you know, I was celebrated

and I just felt like, you know, I was being tolerated, not celebrated. Oh. And that, that quality time wasn't there, , that I was expecting, you know, and then I started feeling like the whole abandonment again, like, oh, I'm not being put first. I'm [00:15:00] not being made a priority. Like all those feelings. we're coming up, you know, and you'll hear some bird from others say, well, I, put you up for adoption or relinquished you or placed you because you were a priority, and others, that feel like, and might feel, differently.

it's all semantics as far as the wording and the decisions that were made. But, you know, I really want some quality time, some bonding and I just, I didn't get that because she didn't take off the whole week. Like,

[00:15:29] Damon: so she would get up, go to work every day, come home. And when we come home, we're tired.

Like you don't right. Have the energy to put into an entire. reunion. You know, you come home and you just kind of want to like do one or two errands and then put your feet up. So I could see how that would leave you very empty, that there was not much given to you in the aftermath of going to work, let alone, as you've said, getting up and going to work every day, like that was clearly an avoidance tactic.

It sounds like. to sort of say, you can come sort [00:16:00] of meet me, but like I'm not changing my life for you but it feels like it was, , definitely an avoidance thing. And it, you know, I always try to remind adoptee that we return and bring back so many memories from the time when the woman got pregnant from.

all of the emotions she felt to all of the pressures she had to, you know, everything that she felt in the aftermath and for it to even a year of being in contact with her and prepping for leading up to that meeting. Mm-hmm, still seeing you walk through the door is a jarring experience and it probably was.

Tough for her. And, and I assume she needed that avoidance, but I understand exactly where you're coming from too. Like we agreed to this. So let's meet in the middle a little bit. I'd like for you to take a couple hours off work here and there. So you and I can wrap a bit. I hear

[00:16:58] Daugther Dee: you. Yeah. And I think [00:17:00] she also, while she did tell me she had a migraine and, and I don't, I think if she had, have just told her supervisor, look, I had this long lost order.

She's coming to town. I'd like to take a few days off. I would hope that any supervisor would be understanding sure. You know, would be willing to do that. But I, I think also when I look back, cuz it's been 31 years ago, that she didn't do her work, you know, like she didn't have the counseling, the preparation to prepare.

and I had been talking to, I still was talking to the social worker who read me the non ID information. And I still keep in contact with her. That really built a good relationship with her. And I'm, I'm always big on prayer and counseling and getting support and I felt like I was, you know, ready to do the work, cuz I didn't, I didn't even have a job yet.

So I had time to go down there to meet her. I didn't have to take off from work. I had the time and I was glad that I did it when I did it before I really started my [00:18:00] first job and getting into my career.

[00:18:02] Damon: But can you tell me a little bit about what it was like, what was the first meeting like?

This is a big event. You have traveled to meet this woman with your own father. Tell what was it like when you guys met for the very first time.

[00:18:19] Daugther Dee: It, when we met at the airport, you know, they picked us up and it was like, it was just surreal. Like, I can't believe this is happening. I had just lost my mother, who I thought was my biological mother. , you know, a couple months ago. And here I was gaining another mother that. Gave me up for adoption.

I didn't know all my life, you know, she had didn't even tell her husband. About me or her son. Yeah. She eventually divorced him later after she finally met me. But you know, none of them knew like only her siblings knew when her parents and maybe their siblings, wives knew but nobody knew. So it was like still these secrets, and [00:19:00] she like my adoptive parents hadn't planned on telling me she probably hadn't planned on telling her husbands.

Right. Right. You know, like here, here we go again with the secrets, you know, that's. . Yeah. And, and I feel like, you know, you can't keep keeping these secrets because , you don't get healed. Like, you know, like it's just, you gotta do it with your past.

[00:19:24] Damon: Yeah. I agree. And, and it's take some strength to do that, but you also have to recognize that.

The past is in the past and mm-hmm, , it's, you know, there comes a time when you do have to deal with it. So I'm with you on that, but that must have been really tough to sort of be there, present with her, but not have her be fully present with you. And to know that the same secret that you had discovered you grew up in was pervasive through her life, too.

You were a secret over there on her side of your story as well.

D admitted. She got some [00:20:00] answers and a bit of closure after meeting her birth mother, the woman shared that she had been 20 years old, was going to be an unwed mother and with their family, trying to put siblings through school and money was tight. She had no support to be a mother. Dee said her adoptive father who was older and more like a grandfather to D was just fine in the whole situation.

He Andy's biological father had gotten along pretty well.

D was living at home at the time of her reunion and her mother had just passed.

So D and her dad bonded even more as she moved into a caregiving role with him and their secret was out. Dee said she got the sense her dad was following his wife's wishes, not to reveal their children's adoption. As the saying goes, happy wife, happy life. I asked how Dee's relationship with her birth mother was after that first meeting

[00:20:50] Daugther Dee: Bittersweet?

[00:20:51] Damon: How do you mean

[00:20:52] Daugther Dee: it wasn't the same? Like after that I spent that week down there and we didn't do any quality time. It was hard to bond after that.[00:21:00] and still on my birthday, you know, I'd still no celebration, no cards, nothing. Mm.

[00:21:06] Damon: Ever in any subsequent year,

[00:21:09] Daugther Dee: maybe once or twice, a card or a phone call, but it was always about her, you know, like, you know, I'm the one that brought you in the world and, you know, it's kind of like this, a victim, like of all of this.

Oh, that's interesting. And, you know, my thing is, you know, none of us asked to be here. None of us asked to be born, but we're here. And to go from a life from kindergarten through college of being loved unconditionally provided for celebrated. And then all of a sudden someone gonna wanna celebrate you or just sees a blessing, you know, that you are in their life.

That's just, there's just a lot of irony there.

[00:21:49] Damon: you're. You're right. It's interesting to think through the fact that the way you were raised was so loving, nurturing, focused on and that to go back and get answers from the person who [00:22:00] brought you into this world, they were not the kind of person or are not in the space, perhaps.

to give you that same kind of love connection, attention nurturing, right? Mm-hmm the adoption. Yeah. And the love that you got was so valuable probably in creating sort of who you are as a person. and that going back to seek answers, didn't actually add much to that. It seems, it seems like you got everything you needed from your parents, which is pretty

[00:22:29] Daugther Dee: much I did.

I definitely did.

[00:22:31] Damon: Wow. Good for you. That's really, really good.

[00:22:33] Daugther Dee: I mean that, you know, I would've got, won't like to have gotten the more emotional support because I, I was a very sensitive kid and I cried and, you know, I was just told to be, I was embraced, but then at the same time told to be strong little that now I was gonna need that strength later in life.

[00:22:49] Damon: D learned that the man she thought was her birth father, a very tall man who was headed to the NBA, died in a car accident two months after she was born. [00:23:00] Di didn't get to meet that man. But she did meet many of his contemporaries who were mostly clergy in their older years. She learned that her alleged birth father was only one of two black basketball players on his final team. And she got to meet the other black player and they stayed in touch

[00:23:16] Daugther Dee: Then all of the priests, they took me out to lunch and the alumni director and everything. And, you know, and I did a lot of research.

We're trying to find, pick up articles and everything. And I met his mother. And she was just kind of in denial. Like she didn't think I looked like him and, she was wondering, why did I wait 23 years to find her? And I said, well, I was just finding out, you know, I wasn't told, and she, She just didn't think I looked like when I wanted to do a DNA test, but she didn't wanna do it. Cause she was old school. She just, well, you know, you had a good life and, rock the boot, you know, type of thing. But she said she was bitter. She said, she felt like my birth mother should have come to her and said, look, your son got her daughter pregnant.

What are we gonna do about and she felt like her and her parents should have come to her.[00:24:00] And she said, instead they put me up for adoption and. Even consultant. She said, I could have raised you myself cuz her alleged birth father was the, her only son, and his father had died.

So it was hard for me to bond with her.


[00:24:14] Damon: Dee said she sent her supposes, paternal grandmother, flowers, food, and called her trying to open a door to create a bond, but it was always D reaching out. There was no reciprocity in their relationship. The bond never materialized. The woman moved to Maryland living under her nephew's care. And D tried to visit her, especially because they lived only a few minutes apart.

But the meetings were never allowed and D kind of gave up. In 2017 dealer and the woman had died. Concerned for medical information. She applied for her paternal grandmother's death certificate from which she learned the woman had dementia.

That medical knowledge influenced the D's desire to do a DNA test, to learn more about herself. She was [00:25:00] working from home during the COVID 19 pandemic in 2021 and commercials for 23 and me kept coming on TV. They appeared on her laptop too. And it felt like a sign that she needed to just submit a sample and get some health answers. D thought maybe someone else on her paternal side would show up on her results, who would be more receptive to knowing her.

D submitted her 23 in may sample and received her results.

[00:25:25] Daugther Dee: So I go in, I do the search and this other name comes up and maternal, it's not the name I was told. Yeah. Wow. The whole misted parentage event.

[00:25:36] Damon: So you got a direct connect to your biological father on an ancestry DNA.

[00:25:42] Daugther Dee: Yes.

[00:25:43] Damon: Wow.

[00:25:44] Daugther Dee: It was a hundred percent match. Oh my God. There was a whole nother name and everything. And I'm like, what? And then there were email messages in there too. So he, now this biological father was one of 10 siblings. He's the oldest.[00:26:00] And he had, four sisters. and then like five other brothers.

And he was the oldest and the youngest sibling is a, is a girl and she's five years for my senior. So she's young, she's in the fifties decade with me, his youngest sister. So she was in the database and she was emailing me. She said, no, I think you're my niece.

It's either my oldest brother or the Oldest brother. Cause it said that she and I shared a percentage of DNA and then I have a, a brother too, and he was in there and he, our DNA matched up and he was like, no, you, I, you were my sister. I was like, huh. Right. My God. So I'm like, well, let me talk to the father, you know, this new father number three, you know, it's not at this point, I've had three fathers.

it's my gosh. You're right. I didn't think of that. Remember David to show, to tell the truth. Well, the real father, please stand up, you

[00:26:57] Damon: know? Right. Oh my gosh. That is [00:27:00]

[00:27:00] Daugther Dee: like to tell the truth,

[00:27:01] Damon: the game show. I remember that show. Oh my gosh.

[00:27:05] Daugther Dee: So, but then I was like, you know, DNA does not lie from what I've been told.

It's not lie, you know, . So then, um, and I, I ended up talking to him and, and also the other irony is I moved to the DC for work. 14 years ago, in 2008, president Obama was running for office. You know, it was an exciting time to be here and I didn't have anyone here, family related. I had college friends that lived to your coworkers.

But didn't think I had any family here and all of them are living here in the DC here. DC, Maryland, and Virginia. Wow. They grew up born. Most of 'em were born, um, in south Jersey, but they were raised in Arlington, Virginia.

[00:27:47] Damon: Unreal. You didn't ha think you had anybody here and quite literally the people you're related to were all around you.

[00:27:53] Daugther Dee: Yeah. And they came at a time where I desperately wanted family, you know, during this pandemic, like wanting to [00:28:00] connect. Unreal. So, but my birth father's in Oregon, Portland, Oregon. He's the only one out west everybody's here in the east coast. Mm-hmm and I got to talk to him on the phone and, you know, we, we bonded and I ended up meeting him.

Uh, last may. He's a golfer. He came out for a golf tournament. And my two brothers came. I met them. It was again, once again, surreal, like this is can't be happening.

[00:28:27] Damon: So how, tell me though about this first connection with him though, because that's an important, huge step. If you didn't know he was your birth father seemed like wouldn't no, he didn't know.


[00:28:37] Daugther Dee: was either. Yeah, exactly. He didn't know. I was, he didn't know. I was given up for adoption. Let alone he had a door door.

[00:28:43] Damon: He had no idea that he, you were conceived. No. Uhm, so what was your outreach to him like.

[00:28:50] Daugther Dee: yeah, I gave him all the, I gave him the non ID information. and he had spent some time in Philadelphia, you know, they didn't have a relationship, you know, it was, [00:29:00] it was just, an you know, an occurrence.

Right. You know, and based on when I was conceived, so but he remembered the facts and the incident and, and everything. And he's accepted me. Like he hasn't denied me. Oh, that's great. And. he's happy. He has a daughter. He has two sons already. that are younger than me. One's four years younger.

And one's, I wanna say eight years younger than me.

[00:29:21] Damon: And he's told them about you. Have you connected with him? Yeah.

[00:29:24] Daugther Dee: Yeah. I met them. I met 'em all last year. And

[00:29:27] Damon: how old came to

[00:29:28] Daugther Dee: a couple? It was good. Yeah, it was a good reunion. That's good. It was a shock, you know, it's a lot, it's still a lot to process, but for sure.

[00:29:38] Damon: So as you reflect now on your life, I'm sure you've thought back on, as you've said, questions that you asked, but didn't ask all of the full questions and didn't get answers to, and then all of this journey that you've been through, where. had multiple potential fathers, you know, connection to your biological [00:30:00] mother that, you know, didn't necessarily work out in the warmest of ways.

Like, what do you think about as a late discovery, adoptee getting plunged into this universe of discovery and questioning and things like that? Like what goes through your mind as, as you reflect on your journey

[00:30:17] Daugther Dee: that God has this master plan that we don't always understand. And I, I, you know, I've been very reflective and very spiritual, you know, I think about some verses in the Bible. There's one that says, you know, I saw you before you were born every day was recorded in my book and you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

And I, you know, I just think about those things, that this was all part of a plan, like a divine manifestation. And how everything unfolded was divine timing and spiritual alignment. And, you know, it's a higher power at work. Like I can't explain any of it. it's beyond comprehension. Yeah. [00:31:00]

[00:31:02] Damon: You said it, it is beyond comprehension is hard to fathom and.

Out of our control. Isn't it? It's crazy.

[00:31:09] Daugther Dee: wow. Yeah, I will say as far as trust, you know, I've had to work on building trust with people because of it. Because I've struggled with anxiety, you know, I get anxious about things. I've also attached. too quickly, too soon. With friends, um, opposite sex relationships and mm-hmm, knowing I really have to get to know people and it, it takes time, you know, building relationships.

You know, it's a process and not trying to control the pacing of things, just let things flow and don't control the outcomes. Try to control the outcomes.

[00:31:49] Damon: And you feel like that. Attributable to your adoption experience. Yes,

[00:31:55] Daugther Dee: I do. Mm-hmm I think it's all relative. I really do [00:32:00] mm-hmm because I was a very trusting child , , but I look back, you know, I was some naiveness, you know, I just believe, you know, your parents are gonna believe what they say, you know?

but they tell you what they want you to know too. Right.

[00:32:14] Damon: Right. But it's not, it's funny. You posit it as naivete, but it's, it can't be naive if you don't know enough to know that you should question hard, you know what I'm saying? Right.

[00:32:28] Daugther Dee: Yeah, you're right. You're

[00:32:29] Damon: right. So. It's really fascinating, but it's great that you're in this place of self examination and recognizing like some of these missteps that I've had could be attributable to how I was brought up my experiences, the truths that I have learned about myself and, sort of discovering myself going forward.

So I'm really

[00:32:50] Daugther Dee: fascinating. I work for the federal government, but my passion is coaching. Like, and I really feel like I've turned my pain into my purpose. [00:33:00]

[00:33:00] Damon: Oh, that's really cool

[00:33:01] Daugther Dee: helping others. You know, whether it's through it mean a lot of the adoption support groups. And so mm-hmm, , I try to help people move forward.

Like I'm talking to them and, and, you know, I see where they're really going backwards and it's like, no, we have to move forward. We can reflect on the past, but we don't wanna stay there.

[00:33:19] Damon: That's. I love that. You're absolutely right. You can reflect on it, but you don't wanna stay there. You'll stagnate and you can't advance if you, if you're standing still.

So that's great that you're helping to push people forward and help them discover their healthy new self. Right. Right. Really.

[00:33:40] Daugther Dee: I mean, you know, we can't be take on and be responsible for what happened to us, but we're responsible for our.

[00:33:46] Damon: Yes. I agree with that. You're responsible for your healing? Well said really cool.

Well, daughter D tell me a little bit just real quick. Do you wanna share why you refer to yourself as daughter D?

[00:33:57] Daugther Dee: Well, for one it's in a literature [00:34:00] phrase, I think it flows well, but also my birth father. That's what he calls me authority D and I, I like it.

[00:34:08] Damon: yeah. It's funny how we get endearing things from the people in our lives.

And you say, you know what? I really like that. And you hope that it sticks and you, and you facilitate sticking. So I can appreciate where you're coming from. Really cool. D thank you so much for being here with me. I really appreciate it.

[00:34:25] Daugther Dee: All right. Thank you, Damon. Thank you for your time. I

[00:34:28] Damon: appreciate you.

No, of course my pleasure. And I know that this late discovery journey is a hard one to go through, but it sounds like you really are sort of pushing forward, as you said, recognizing what has happened, but being responsible for your own healing.

[00:34:41] Daugther Dee: Yes.

[00:34:42] Damon: That's exactly where you need to be. And I'm so grateful to you for supporting other people and getting to that space too.

That is super important. So well,

[00:34:50] Daugther Dee: Thank you. Thank you. And hopefully we can get together in Maryland since we, I would love that Marylanders

[00:34:55] Damon: Marylanders right around the corner from each

[00:34:58] Daugther Dee: other, fellow [00:35:00] adoptees. We're kindred spirits all the way. No

[00:35:02] Damon: doubt. No doubt. Really cool. De thank you so much for being here.

You take care. All right. Thank you. You too. The best byebye.

[00:35:08] Daugther Dee: Alrighty. Okay, bye.


[00:35:09] Damon: Hey, it's me. Daughter D lived a wonderful young life, not knowing she was adopted. When her adoptive mother passed away, her adoption was revealed and questions arose in her head. D was able to locate her birth mother,

but the woman wasn't equipped to be in reunion with D and their relationship faded.

Seeking paternal answers D learned through DNA that the man she thought was her birth father. Wasn't the right person. Finally, the real guy brought acceptance into her life, helping her to feel whole.

D, and I did finally meet up for lunch here in Washington, DC at the national museum of African-American history and culture. Later. She told me that I helped her make a breakthrough on her paternal side or the family. That's what? [00:36:00] Adoptees supporting one another is all about.

Helping to navigate every unexpected situation with the hope for a breakthrough. I'm Damon Davis into hope. You've found something in daughter D's journey that inspired you. That validates your feelings about wanting to search or motivates you to have the strength along your journey to learn who am I really.

If you're interested in some who am I really merch with that cool logo with the heart, with the missing puzzle piece. You can find links at who am I really? You can follow me on Instagram at Damon L Davis and follow the podcast at w AI. Really? If you like the show, please take a moment to leave a five star review in your podcast app or wherever you're listening.

Your ratings really do help others to find the podcast too. Finally, I hope you'll check out my story in my memoir. Who am I really available on Amazon Kindle and audible. It's a quick really interesting story that i hope you'll add to your reading [00:37:00] list

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