Jane, from outside of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, grew up knowing she was adopted, comfortable with the fact, and even knowing her birth name from a young age.
After her adoptive parents passed away, Jane obtained as much identifying information as possible and submitted two DNA tests. The amalgamation of resources all provided supporting clues to her maternal and paternal sides.
In reunion, Jane found a man who didn’t even know she existed, but wanted to get as much information about what transpired behind his back when he was a teenager as possible.
Listen at the end for the touching moment where Jane took her birth father to a special place.
This is Jane’s journey.
Who Am I Really?
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Transcript
But, you start to think about What all these women went through and it's just, it makes me so sad.
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[:or the touching moment where [:
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[:So her brother was born two years later, biological to her parents. Jane said she had the best childhood. She could imagine. Her family got along well, And she was treated as an equal sibling, despite their natural Sibling rivalries. Jane always knew she was adopted.
And she and her family kind of looked alike. And while she was told she was special, she never took adoption as a challenging phenomenon for herself. When I asked Jane about her brother, she said,
[:I played [:[:[:I couldn't retain it. maybe you have to reading it three or four times. I'd get it, but it took me a lot to focus.
[:Right. . Three sentences into a paragraph. I'm like, shoot, I need to start over. What I mean? Yeah, that's
[:[:I hear you. How about your relationship with and your likenesses and differences between you and your adoptive parents
[:ist and she was very, a very [:Just as our life, as we got older, I realized how much she really did teach us.
[:[:And, and she just was so kind. And she taught, me to be kind to everybody. Didn't matter who you were, just be nice. And put what you want out there in the world to come back at you, treat people how you want to be treated.
[:ou don't really realize when [:I admire my mom, and that's the kind of person I want to be, and you took that. That's really cool.
[:[:[:, the more disciplinarian so [:[:[:[:Is that true?
[:and she told me when I was about eight, and I think why is when you were in that, the, , baby scoop era, , they, as you're supposed to be a blank slate and treat your kids as your own and all that. And I think they came to visit. They did home visits for a while to make sure that everything was fitting.
I was fitting in the family and everything was going. And then about eight years old, it stopped. so my mom, we were driving down the street one day and my mom , told me my birth name, and I was, I just sat there and I was like, Oh, wow. , I always knew I was adopted, but I didn't have a name.
And then all of a sudden I've got this other identity. it was a strange feeling.
[:[:[:[:And, uh, so I always felt that there was someone else out there.
[:[:[:I haven't heard that one before. So, when you heard this other name, and it gave you a sense of having an alternate identity, do you recall what your feelings were like at eight years old?
[:And I I really never Put much more thought into it. I just, I had a name and I thought about my birth mother at, , , like on my birthdays and things, but it never really went past that.
[:[:[:ome from. The moon is just a [:And it just hit me when you said that, that the moon is this, , central factor in all of our lives that many of us take for granted, but for some reason, adoptees look to as. At least we may have that in common right now. I just, I just want to say that because it really struck me in this moment that you mentioned it for yet another time.
Fascinating.
[:[:
Not knowing about her roots at At about 53 years old. Jane sent away for her original birth certificate or her OBC knowing her own name at birth. the next striking bit of information Jane finally learned was her birth mother's name, Which was all she thought she wanted. Jane did internet searches for the woman turn to social media and try to locate her, but nothing came up. Jane decided DNA testing was her next step.
So she submitted her sample to 23 and me. Which revealed her genetic heritage and a handful of distant cousins, but no meaningful relationships. Since Jane had the family name from her ancestral heritage, she went back to the internet to search again, which turned up an obituary for Jane's maternal grandfather.
[:[:[:[:And then you missed her by a year or two. Like she had been long gone, which is really too bad. Did you learn anything about her death?
[:[:[:[:[:[:Correct. How did that hit you?
[:[:[:ses or things that in my non [:And then I found out later that my birth mother's a twin, a boy girl twin and her. brother actually has just passed away from lung cancer.
[:[:[:Yep.
After completing 23 and me Jane did ancestry DNA. she had also been contacting her adoption agency to get as much non identifying information as possible with their help on the ancestry DNA platform. Jane received a private message from a woman asking if she was the person who was contacting the adoption agency. Jane thought the message was strange, but she replied back in the affirmative that she was the person contacting the agency.
[:And I was like, wow, that's cool. , I didn't re I never even thought siblings. , I was just focused on trying to find my birth mother. And so I wrote her back and I said, I am. and then she told me that I had, , another half sister and a half brother.
[:That's amazing.
[:And I thought, well, that's really neat. And , I'd love to meet you and get to know you and all that. And I actually do have a really nice relationship , with Chrissy, my half sister.
[:[:So we got together at outside at a restaurant. We met. And, , it was just an amazing day. I first saw somebody that was biologically related to me.
[:[:[:[:[:[:[:That's really cool. How cool. So she introduced you to your other maternal siblings as well?
[:[:[:Which is nice.
[:[:I had a child and I gave her up for adoption. So for 30 years, Chrissy had been looking for me.
[:what did you think when you heard your mother's expression of regret for having placed you for adoption? That's a pretty impactful thing to hear.
[:right then I knew she never [:[:And Also how their body has changed as a result of having been pregnant. I just can't imagine someone tell you, eh, just forget about it. I joked with somebody, I said, I lost a t shirt that I liked. And I still think about it. I can't imagine what it's like to think about, , to have, the child that you gave birth to out in the world, it seems so unbelievable that that was the rationale, just forget about it.
And we'll smooth this over. It's unbelievable.
[:But, you start to think about What all these women went through and it's just, it makes me so sad.
[:
So she asked the agency to send one more correspondence just a few weeks later on a Friday afternoon. Jane's reunion coordinator called to say she had just spoken with Jane's birth father and he wanted. answers to a few questions.
[:and I waited so long because I didn't know that I was even able to, find him So she told him this and he said could I have her phone number? I said yes, and and he called me
[:and how was we talked
[:questions. I asked him some [:[:[:[:[:[:[:But I think he thought she was older than she was. Mm-Hmm. . And, , I don't think she, I think she may not have told him the correct age, and which is why he was. But soon after he went into the Air Force and, , somebody had told him that they thought she was pregnant and she, she denied it.
And so he [:[:[:[:[:And , he, I guess he was married a couple of years and then divorced. And then, I got to meet him.
[:[:He was so confused. he was so upset about this whole thing. And, , he wasn't sure why she didn't tell him and he needed to find out information. So he wanted to come here. So I said, okay, , , And I thought what he didn't
[:[:, he came here, I met him at [:Yeah, it was pretty neat.
[:[:I, it just struck me. Wow. I didn't have this opportunity with my birth mother and it makes me so sad. And I, I looked at him and I thought, well, I'm just going to hug him. I don't know what he, and he hugged me back and he, he said the same thing. Oh wow. I have no, I have no doubt you're my daughter.
[:[:do some investigation in the [:[:[:d took time to pay attention [:
I mean, this sounds like a pretty decent guy.
[:[:[:To the person that gave me life and I, I broke down. I started to cry and I thought, wow, this is really, this is crazy. I didn't know this is what I was going to feel like.
[:[:awkward, but it was touching to see him standing there and he bent down and he put his hand on the stone and everything. And I just thought, I thought how touching it was.
[:nothing big, just if they had coffee and said, man, can you believe this? This is part of our story and and of course those two could never Sort of sit and chat, but it must have been fascinating to see that this person who is deceased is there with your birth father, who's come to see her, , and hadn't seen her for decades.
I mean, I just can't get over that, that was the nature of your reunion is in that you were there present with him, , the three of you were there together. It's just, it sounds like a really heavy moment, I guess is what I'm trying to
[:when I was there by with my [:I saw him one, a couple other times and, , he, I still felt that he was trying to like, he wasn't getting the answers that he needed and I felt bad cause I couldn't help him. And so thought I'm just going to have to let it be, you know, whatever, it is. whatever it is.
, if I can find out information, I'll be able to help him. If I can't, I don't know, , what to do to help him. So he flew back home and, , we've kept in touch. I, we text once in a while and call once in a while.
[:[:[:How do you how do you get along with your paternal siblings?
[:I had a great time with them.
[:[:[:[:And it was just a great time.
[:[:nd. he just says, , I'm glad [:[:And adoptee will say, , this person wasn't receptive or, , something that indicates a. Negative component of their reunion, but you seem to be doing very well with everybody receiving you back And I think jane you're super lucky in that regard. It's really awesome.
[:I've had a great experience with everything and I seem to like you said I i'm so happy You know, , and like I said one one thing that i've said is in searching for my family I found who I really am and
[:Thank you so much for taking time to be with me today. I appreciate it. And thanks for sharing your story. Thank you, Damon. Thank you very much. My pleasure. Take care, okay?
[:[:[:[:[:To the adoption agency and got in just under the wire before her adoption reunion case closed and that he wanted to fly across the country to meet her and try to retrieve secrets that had been kept from him as a young man. For me, it was heartwarming to imagine Jane and her birth father standing at her birth mother's grave.
e him. That request to go to [:I'm Damon Davis. And I hope you found something in Jane's journey that inspired you. Validate your feelings about wanting to search. Or motivates you to have the strength along your journey to learn who am I really, if you would like to share the story of your adoption and your attempt to connect with your biological family. Please visit who am I?
Really? podcast.com/share. You can follow me on Instagram at Damon L Davis and follow the podcast at w AI. Really? If you like the show, Please take a moment to leave a five star review in your podcast app or wherever you get your podcasts. Your ratings really do help others to find the podcast too. And as always, if you're interested, you can check out my story in my memoir.
Who am I really available on? Amazon Kindle And audible.
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