254 – I Do Not Want My DNA In Their System

254 - I Do Not Want My DNA In Their System

Cold Cut

George: my sister was taken out of orphanage by my grandma. But they would not give her me as well because I was a toddler and because of the age, they gave her only one older child, my sister. And by the time my grandma found somebody to sign the papers for custody I was already adopted out and nobody would tell them where I went.

This is George's journey. Growing up in Soviet, Georgia in a family, and a society that treated adoption like a secret to be protected, George carried questions that he wasn't even allowed to ask. George grew up in a small resort town with natural mineral water that attracted tourists from all over the country, like the San Pellegrino of the Soviet Union.

He had to survive a childhood where silence wasn't just expected, it was enforced. I invited him to take me back to the beginning, to the little town where his story began, even if he didn't know the full truth.

He used to drink and that was a lot of fight and that was like unpleasant situations. And yeah, he passed away with a heart attack when I was nine. So I grew up with a single mother and me and my mother just got along fine. But I. Always knew internally that I was not part of the family. I was like, I might as well been an alien.

Damon: What do you mean? Why did you feel that way?

So, oh, who is this kid? Why he does not look like anybody else? And my mother had these ready answers. Oh, his father looked like him exactly in his age. And he went, she went as far as she used to lie that my paternal grandma was German descendant. So that was. That's why I looked so like different European or Scandinavian or whatever.

And I, my mother's reaction kind of confirmed my suspicions. But I had no idea what it meant to be adopted. I nobody spoke about it. It was a big taboo subject in my family, in my town, in, in the country, in society. I think you could have get arrested if you told an adopted person that he or she was adopted.

It was that bad.

Damon: Really? Really. Really. I have never heard that before. Yes. You could see yes. Because incarcerated for revealing a person was adopted to them.

Damon: Wow, that is wild. I've never heard.

Anyone say that revealing an adoption was an illegal act? That's crazy, huh? But did you know that growing up that you were adopted or did you

George: just feel it? I well, I feel it, you know You have this feel that you're not part of the family and I knew visually and they know my mentality and sensibility wise and then when I was I think seven or eight, I lied that I was picked at school and teased that I was adopted.

Damon: Wow. Really?

George: So which, which totally confirmed my suspicions. I knew that there was something that was something I did not know what it meant to be adopted, but there was something that they were hiding from me and they were trying to protect me from the somebody to tell me and stuff.

So that kind of snowballed into my thinking that, Ooh, okay. Well, that explains that.

Damon: Yeah. So at seven or eight years old, you've decided I'm going to test my parents and you lied about school and told them that you had been teased for being an adoptee at school to see how they will react.

George: Well, that was like obviously I stopped thinking about what it meant and I started acting out, but then, You know, around that time I start noticing that I liked boys more than girls. So then that took front seat in my life. So I actually thought until I turned 16 that I had a cancer that nobody spoke about it.

So, I could not read it. I could not ask.

Damon: Your feelings of being a gay man was like a cancer?

So I thought that this is something that you're not talking about This is just a disease or something that you just have to keep in mind For yourself. So that kind of took all my, focus and then whole adoption story went on the backseat. And then when I turned 16 my uncle told me that I was adopted.

Me and my mother had some one of the arguments and he was drunk and he told me that,

Damon: how did that hit when he actually said it out loud?

George: Oh, it was it was painful. It was right. I was on my way to a prom I was 16. So, with all the what was already going on and , teenage years and all that, it was tough.

George: Oh no. I left Georgia when I was 24,

and before that, I remember I got arrested several times for just doing nothing because the police suspected that I might be gay or something. And I remember the police telling me that Hitler was right, killing people like me. Wow. So that was the situation from the police.

Damon: Oh my gosh. Wow. And you got arrested more than once for suspicion of being gay is what I heard.

George: Suspicion because of the neighbors suspect something, you know, it's like the it's it was the that kind of situation more you hide more you reveal kind of situation. You know, you're always trying to be so discreet and so careful, but in the meantime, you actually reveal things. So neighbors called a couple of times.

Damon: really on

George: survival.

So, yeah

Damon: You don't

George: have a lot of time For you don't have a lot of time for anything else when you're in that kind of mode, you know So all my adoption thing went, buried a little bit

By the early two thousands direct to consumer, DNA testing had become more prevalent in Australia. empowering George to explore his genetic ancestry and try to satisfy his curiosities about himself.

George: I did

Damon: very early on, like 20 years ago, and it was confirmed that I had zero Georgian DNA in me.

For years, George had been gas lit into believing he belonged, and then with a few drops of saliva, the truth was revealed. and with that revelation, his genetic connections shifted for.

George: through DNA, I could not find anybody closer than fifth or sixth cousin. Especially that time people did not test as like today. Every second person does it, right? So, I did not do anything because I just moved to Australia and I was so busy with , starting my life there. And I stayed there, I applied for gay refugee status because of the country that I come from did not approve my sexuality.

So that was like what took the first few years of my life in Australia to, I start film studies there obviously the language. And start building new life and immigration, all that. So I got really lucky. I was given the refugee status right away. And I, , that's started new life. So, because I was so removed from my family, that adoption thing was not still in the picture.

I was in a totally fog that time. I don't know.

George: Yes. I was 25. Yeah.

Damon: Yeah. Man, that's a lot to deal with.

Damon: George had realized that his name had probably been changed. His birthday was probably inaccurate, so he had no anchoring information to launch a search from. He was unwelcome in his country, so George couldn't just go ask the government about himself, and even if he could, adoption records there are sealed until the adoptee is 75 years old.

By that time, most likely the birth parents are deceased, and the clues of the adopted person's past would have faded into historical obscurity. George had no plan of attack for his reunion search.

I am now I'm looking back. I think that's what it was. Loyalty to my mom, even I've known for sure since I was 16, I never confronted my mom. We never ever discussed that. I knew that I was adopted and she knew that I knew. But we've never spoken about it. So I think when my mother passed away, I think, okay, well, , there is nothing to hide anymore.

And I want to do this.

Damon: . Yeah. The death of an adoptive parent when that loyalty is holding you back. is very liberating. I'm not saying that people are wishing their adoptive parents dead. I'm simply saying that by the ending of their life allows a new freedom to pursue your interest when your loyalties have lied with them, right?

You can't hurt them anymore. And so it really does open new doors guilt free. So what did you do?

And they gave me couple of names, right? Americans who live in Russia and who helped. people like me, but because I did not have anything except the birth certificate that was issued in Georgia and had probably, I knew that time that would have none of the information that would help the search because they issued new certificate after my adoption, everything was changed there.

by the time George and I met in Los Angeles, I could feel the heaviness he carried of wanting so badly to know, but having no way to unlock his past. Still, something told me George wasn't ready to give up. so, just up to two weeks ago, I knew nothing about my adoption. The only thing I knew last year, my, my cousins mentioned as if like just matter of fact that, Oh, you know that your birthday has been changed. I was like, what? So I don't even have my real birthday.

And when women would have babies, they would tell them, Oh, your baby died. And actually they would sell babies straight from the hospital overseas. And now these babies are grown up people and looking for their families and then parents thought the baby is dead already 30 years and no baby lives in america or somewhere It's crazy.

And my friend is doing a documentary about this subject and I said hey I know that you have a lot of search angels. Do you think there is anybody in russia that Can help me with my situation. So I went to this site. It's a facebook site called Wait for me.

So I thought, oh, I feel something towards, she's probably real deal. So we start talking about it and I told her all my history and stuff. She says, yeah, it's tough your situation because you have nothing to hold on to. But she asked me, who came, do you know who came to Russia to adopt you? I said my adopted mother and she says do you have her marriage certificate or birth certificate?

The most hope you've ever had. Yeah, I cannot believe I thought, okay, well, this is total BS and blah, blah, blah. But still, this is as close as I've been. And she's texting me that I'm sending all the, your documents to, I don't know what's the place called in how you translate in English, but it's the place where they have all the information about who is born, like, I don't know what's the organization called.

I know what you're talking about. It has different names.

George: Archives or whatever it is. And she says, I'm, I have a person who is looking for something. This is all under the table because you can't do any of this and I cannot mention any names and anything, obviously. So, this is like my midnight and I cannot go to bed.

This is like, I cannot believe this. And she says, I cannot believe when I saw your documents, you were born in this little town. It's like between Moscow and St. Petersburg, this tiny little town. And then the first scene, and the first scene she's texting me, my real birthday. My real name. Wow.

Damon: months. Interesting. is the time after your birth, but before your adoption and the birth certificate has the adoption date?

Damon: Really?

You think it was intentional that they wanted to de identify? Yeah, I know, I knew my birthday was changed intentionally by my mother, adoptive mother

George: And then I'm I'm finding out my parents names and I'm a youngest of three.

Damon: Oh my God. That's crazy. Before you go on with your siblings, you can tell me really quickly, you just learned, was it two weeks ago? Yeah. Yeah. That your actual birth date is January. Do you think you'll celebrate your newly found, rediscovered birthday in January versus what you've traditionally done in April?

George: You see, this is all so new that I don't know, but I love my April birthday. I will always celebrate because I'm that kind of person. I like it. And I also I like the star sign Aries. So That's really interesting. Yeah, your mind

Damon: changes. Holy mackerel. That's wild.

Damon: Capricorn. Yeah, that's wild.

George: So, and I was talking to my friends. Yeah, I'm gonna have my first birthday January 16th is like in my kind of a rebirth birthday, but then we will see what happens.

Damon: That's really interesting. Wow. Go ahead. You found out that you are one of three.

George: Yes, I'm the youngest of three. And now I'm thinking, Oh God. So they gave me up now. So they gave me up because not because that she was like 16 year old woman who could not keep the baby. I'm. Youngest of three. So it was a Conscious decision to give me up. So and then yes, I start thinking. Oh, I wonder what happened They did not want me and blah blah blah, you know, you're going all the worst scenarios possible, right?

Hmm.

Damon: After decades of dead ends and Dashed hopes, all of this news about George's original identity and the existence of his family was nothing short of miraculous in a series of texts. George wasn't just reconnecting with a family. He never knew he was reclaiming a part of himself that had been lost to history, But what he didn't realize yet was how much they had been searching for him too.

Oh my god.

After 48 years of search. I, I, my head is still spinning. I don't know. I think I'm still in a kind of shock state, but at some point, I guess I will yeah, come out from this craziness. So then then next message comes from her. It's like, look, this is your sister. What do you want me to do?

Do you want me to say hello? Do you want to get it to get in touch with her? It's like. This is like every half hour. I have not time to digest whatever I just learned. and then eventually, long story short she put me in touch with my sister.

Damon: Really? Oh my gosh. Yeah. Well, yeah, as the youngest, she might've remembered when her mother was pregnant.

But the situation got worse and they had to leave the country entirely or something. And my sister was taken out of orphanage by my grandma. But they would not give her me as well because I was a toddler and because of the age, they gave her only one older child, my sister. And by the time my grandma found somebody to sign the papers for custody or something like that I was already adopted out and nobody would tell them where I went.

Geez. This is

so they lost trace of me.

Damon: Yeah. Then, yeah. Oh my gosh. Well, how did it feel to hear this story of you being, , put aside for safety, but then just completely lost?

George: Yeah. God, I don't know. I'm telling you, I'm still in shock, you know, I'm just like. Every time I tell people, it's like, I can tell people are listening to it's like telling them movie George.

Damon: Really? Wow, that's amazing.

George: Yes, because she goes to bed when I wake up.

So, like, half hour before, we're like, Ha, this is my sunrise, this is my sunset. So, we just say it every day. But we texting back and forth each other.

Damon: That's incredible. How cool. Did she tell you is George your original name? Did she recall your original name at all?

George: Sergei.

Damon: Ah, interesting. Yeah. How did you identify with that name when you heard it?

Damon: There is a reason I chose that name. It is very valid as a question for so many people and you're living that experience right now. Right? You're in this limbo of having identified as 1 person for, 50 years almost. And now you're at this point of hearing quite literally a totally different origin story than you've ever known, right?

You probably had some things that you fabricated in your mind as what the possibilities were. Now you've heard the facts and they probably don't align. And the facts are wild.

George: also, Damien, as you probably know, as an adoptee person, when you're searching, the first question you have is, who am I?

Why? Why did she give me up? What happened? What was the real story? But for me, like, Discovering same day brother and sister and parents and it's just like it's crazy. So obviously Situation is like for me is different than for her She knew about me and looking for me, but I had no idea about her existence.

She just fell off the sky for me

Neither of them was truly raised by their parents, forced instead into separate lives because of their parents' troubles with the Soviet government, during a time when independent thinking could cost you everything. Now George faces a new kind of waiting, a delicate dance of questions, careful conversations, and the logistical challenge of confirming their biological.

Ties in a country where even DNA testing comes with closed doors.

George: you don't want to be in Russian DNA platform because government owns all your DNA and everything and you don't want to be in a Russian government sites.

Trust me, as an American person, especially

Damon: So what will you do? Will she do a DNA test, say, through a non Russian government, like through another country? Okay, this

From Georgia, we found the person who was Going to Russia physically to send pictures for who delivered to my sister and gave into hand because the, you cannot even mail anything. You cannot mail from here to Russia

They'll confiscate it

yeah. It would be confiscated. Especially there is like a DNA testing thing.

No, no way. So she did test it. She took a sample and now it's traveling back. Again, person took somebody bringing to Georgia and the same girlfriend's gonna bring it back to U. S. and send, we're sending to the lab. So, it's crazy.

Damon: This is unbelievable. You're on some spy stuff. And, but From 007 transferring dNA. No,

Damon: That's right. Now, as we see, yeah, that's crazy. I'm just thinking to myself. Imagine if you find out that you're not biologically paternally related, you've got a whole new journey to start on.

Then, if that is the case,

George: I know. And then I'm thinking Okay, where's this story going? Because look, I'm a storyteller, but I cannot make up this stuff up Unreal. So this is my reality as we speak. Yeah.

Damon: That's really unreal.

George: Yes, I do, and I already spoke to a U. S. consulate in Russia, and they think that it's not a good idea for me to go to Russia. So now I'm organizing for her to meet me somewhere where, for her as a Russian, she needs a visa in a lot of countries, and especially what's going on with Russia now, it's really hard for Russians to go overseas and get visas and things.

Thanks. The, as you know, diplomatic relationships really bad with Russia, pretty much with the whole world. So I'm just trying to organize as soon as this DNA test because I want to know 100 percent what's the, what's going on, you know, before I meet her face to face, I want to have all the DNA inserts and everything.

And then. I will organize her to go somewhere, I don't know, nearby in Russia where she can actually travel and meet her there.

Damon: That is unbelievable. But I cannot, but I cannot

Damon: especially because governments like Russia, as far as I can tell, hold long grudges. And if your name is identified with your parents from 50 something years ago, they'll be like, Oh, he's back.

Get him. And you'll never leave.

George: The funny thing is, the funny thing is, I've never thought about that. That's so true. Actually. Yes. Probably my name is somewhere or somehow. Yeah, no, that's another reason why I should go there.

George: this is the reason why I did not want my dna to Be in russian system because by dna I can be still Linked to my heritage and to my parents.

Whatever what is happening? You Funny thing is that my search angel also sent me the list of my accusations my parents were accused of that time.

Damon: Oh, yeah? And what was in it?

George: whole document. I don't want to talk about this yet. Okay. But, you know, it's still, I don't know who is listening.

It's still you know, I have to be careful, but yeah but it's interesting. It's but the good thing is what makes me happy that they fought for a good cause.

Because it gives you at least the sensation that you are cut from good cloth and that they, you know, potentially were against a bad regime, right?

George: Yeah, they fought that time for everything I stand today, but that time you could not fight for those things because it was illegal.

It was Soviet Union. And if you said anything against the government or anything about anybody, and they were like, she was ballet dancer, she was part of the intelligentsia. So they did not fit the mode that Soviet government want them to be. So, Obviously, they were outspoken and they were put away.

And I would imagine even before this goes live, you'll probably get the DNA test back. So you should reach out to me. Let me know. Yeah,

George: I will. I will. And, you know, just quickly my husband was asking me so how you feel because he knew that I was doing all this research. All my friends, you know, Even now I feel like I was carrying this heavy backpack and I just took it off and put on the ground.

Damon: Yeah you hit on a couple of things. One, The idea of the burden lifting. Like I can feel as I speak to you, how light you are. I could tell, and it's especially pertinent because I met you before in LA and I could feel how heavy it was for you. You were very concerned and really interested and to have.

That juxtaposition of the guy I met before versus whom I'm speaking to now, who now owns information like the glow, the aura, the energy is just totally different. It's really interesting. And the second piece is you've already said the who am I really piece, which I always love when people validate the title of the program.

George: Oh, that's what it is because it never really registered now. I okay now i'm, okay.

Yes,

Damon: you know, it's that's exactly How it feels Yeah, the icon is intended to represent the idea that you can have a whole heart your whole life But that adoption puzzle piece will be the missing piece for many people that's why I made the icon the way that it is because You For anyone who's seeking answers and is trying to fill that gap, that is a visual representation of that for me.

It's

George: interesting. It never really registered, obviously I've seen that logo so many times. I listen every your podcast episode, but it never really registered. But now what you have now that you mentioned, it's like, yes, of course. And that is exactly how it feels.

George, this was absolutely amazing, man. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Promise me you'll reach back when you learn something about your I will keep

George: you posted about everything.

She is my half sister. She had no idea. We had different fathers. It's been nothing but twists and turns. We haven't met in person yet. Every time I want to plan a meeting, things keep coming up, but I definitely want to meet her this summer, probably in Turkey. I'm Damon Davis, and I hope you found something in George's journey that inspired you. Validates your feelings about wanting to search or motivates you to have the strength along your journey to learn. Who am I really?