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102 – It’s Always Maybe

Breanna learned that she was fostered then adopted but for financial gain and she described her home as a hostile environment. Her adopted mother was abusive, and Breanna ultimately ran away from home to the military. But before bootcamp she contacted her birth mother, and learned the hard truth about her conception. In reunion, she was forced to watch her birth father’s judgment for his actions.


Breanna (00:05): She feels really guilty and I think that’s why she doesn’t want me to hate her. She thinks that I should hate her and I don’t hate her. It does make me angry now that like you’re wasting time. We could be like, we could be going forward, but like I don’t hate you for giving me up like I really don’t hate her.

Damon (00:32): Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members.

Damon (00:53): I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show is Breanna who called me from Jacksonville, North Carolina. Breanna learned that she was fostered then adopted but for financial gain. Her adopted mother was abusive and Breanna ultimately ran away from home to the military, but before bootcamp she contacted her birth mother and learned the hard truth about her conception in reunion. She was forced to watch her birth father’s judgment for his actions. This is Breanna’s journey. The weekend I spoke to Breanna. She was teaching her six year old daughter to ride her bicycle. When she spoke of her parents, she said they never really talked about adoption, but she remembers a time when she was six years old at church when her status as an adoptee stood out in her mind.

Breanna (01:41): When we joined the church, they introduced themselves and they said, we adopted four kids and we have two of our own. So they didn’t talk about it and they didn’t really want to talk about it. My dad was more like, Oh, we’re your parents we raised you and are the ones who who’ve taken care of you, you know? So we left it alone. It wasn’t like a topic.

Damon (02:02): Breanna’s siblings who were biological to her parents were many years older than the adoptees in their home. You heard Breanna say she has four adopted siblings. Breanna is in the middle of the adoptees. They were all foster children. First adoptees who didn’t know their own stories. Her parents had adoption folders for every child, which Breanna found in their garage. They had pictures and photo books for every child. She learned that some of her adopted siblings were children of drug addicted parents. Breanna located everyone’s folder except her own, which was frustrating. She talks a bit about why her parents fostered them. First

Breanna (02:43): they said that they adopted us because they needed money and there was money to foster care and they got paid for us and then they were offered more money if they adopted us. So they actually got paid up until we were, we graduated from high school. So originally that’s why they went into foster care. They, so I don’t, I guess eventually it wasn’t like a need.

Damon (03:08): So did you, could you feel that need like were, how were they as parents? I guess what I’m asking is when I think of parents who choose to foster out of financial need, I have a, I’ll admit I have a little bit of a negative feeling in my gut about that. Tell me about your home in terms of this particular stereotype that I have.

Breanna (03:34): I say like the home was really a hostile place to be. Like I avoided my, my house. And I think like now that I’m older, I know that my dad of what at the house because of like my mom, I think I’m pretty sure she struggled with mental illness, but like my dad, I told you like he always lived away. He always worked away. Like he only came to visit us on the weekends and like he would tell us like once we got like to teenagers, we’d be like, why can’t, like, why won’t you like divorce her? Or why won’t you like, let us move in with you? Or something. He was like, you know, this could be like, you guys could be worse off if you were with like your biological families or if you were somewhere else. Like it could be worse, you know? And he kind of left it at that and he was really like soft spoken. Like he didn’t say very much. So I can’t say like, he was horrible, but my mom, like, she did really horrible things to us and would say things to us. So, no, I can’t say my childhood was great and, um, at all. And I was a very depressed child. Um, now that I’m older, I can realize, I realized that

Damon (04:43): Breanna describes herself as a quiet keep to herself kind of child, so people may not have recognized her depression. She’s a writer and a poet, not really much for talking. Her siblings were more boisterous, outspoken, throwing tantrums and that kind of thing. Breanna describes herself as a people pleaser who earned straight A’s in school.

Breanna (05:04): Like I tried to do everything perfect and like I was a helper to like, to like avoid, um, um, like we never knew how she was going to be, like when we walked in the house, you know, like from school, like how was, how was she going to be today? I, and she would tell us like, if it wasn’t for my medication, you know, so like you could tell like they didn’t, I don’t think they adopted because they wanted us, you know, I do think, I’m pretty sure. I know that they love us. Um, like they, they, they, I, my dad loved us. I know and I’m pretty sure my mom loved us, but I think because whatever it is going on with her mentally like something was wrong, you know?

Damon (05:47): Interesting. Did you say something? Tell me what you were about to say with regard to her saying you can tell when I’m not on my meds or something like that. What was that?

Breanna (06:00): My mom was really abusive so I don’t, I don’t think I should get into the abuse that she would do, but like she would do stuff and then she would be like, if it wasn’t for my medication, like you guys would probably be dead type of thing. You know? Like if it wasn’t for my medication,

Damon (06:16): Breanna’s adopted father stayed away from their home a lot, working in other cities, coming home on weekends to visit, but never staying in that environment. He died when she was 16 years old. She said she remembers her mom having a boyfriend a short time thereafter. I asked Breanna when she got the urge to search.

Breanna (06:37): I’m pretty sure I had this feeling since I was a little kid, but I always felt that my mom would come back from me or she would come find me. So I never actually thought of looking for her. But my senior year I actually I ran away. I left and I moved in with um, leaders, um, through being wife. I met through young life and I let me live with them and I was leaving for Marine Corps boot camp and they were like, Oh, it’d be so cool if you actually like look for your biological mom right before you left. I was like, Oh, okay.

Damon (07:08): So in September, 2010 at 19 years old, she contacted the adoption agency who committed to send her redacted non identifying information. A week later her information arrived, 50 pages worth of info. Everything was redacted except on one page. The woman’s last name was still visible. On another the college she attended was visible too. She also found the city, her birth mother was moving to after Breanna’s birth, Breanna went online to Facebook and searched for women with that first and last name combination with an association with the same college.

Breanna (07:45): And I scrolled through all those people and I found her through Facebook because all her first name is Nicole in my middle with Nicole and she looks exactly like me. So I contacted her and I was like, hi, I think, I think you’re my mom. And like I would do anything to get to know her, get to know my birth mom. And your first name was Nicole and my middle name is Nicole. So like what a coincidence. I’m like two hours later she liked message me back and was like I believe I am your birth mom. So like yeah that was September, 2010

Damon (08:19): so you were so bold as to just straight up messenger and be like bam, this is me. What’s up?

Breanna (08:24): Oh my gosh, yes.

Damon (08:27): That’s amazing.

Breanna (08:28): I was supposed to wait to wait cause the family I live with, they were like we’ll just wait till we get home. Cause I was like, I think I found her. She was like, wait till we get home. And I was like, I can’t wait, bye. I did. I just couldn’t wait cause I was like, she looks just like me.

Damon (08:44): The women exchanged lots of messages. Breanna’s birth mother shared that she made a Facebook page because she wanted to be found. Breanna told me that her adopted parents, every one of her adopted siblings names Breanna assumed her name had been changed to. Her birth mother let her know that she grew up with the name she was given at birth and she was named after her birth mother because Breanna’s middle name, Nicole is her birth mother’s first name. The women emailed back and forth for awhile and her birth mother told her everything

Breanna (09:18): like she was originally supposed to. She was originally supposed to keep me but her mom. She hid the pregnancy um, the whole entire entire time. Her sister is the only one that do it. She was supposed to graduate and move in with her sister and keep me, but her mom found out I was born on her graduation day or her mom found out and her mom was like, no, you need to like, you need to give her up. So like I guess they got into it and she ended up following through with the adoption.

Damon (09:52): Wait, so just to go back for a second, you said you were born on your birth mother’s graduation day?

Breanna (10:00): Yes.

Damon (10:02): And the pregnancy had been kept a secret up until that point?

Breanna (10:06): Yes. Her sister is the only one that knew.

Damon (10:08): How did she do that? Do you know? Cause I mean as you’re going through your senior year, you know, you’re, your mom is after you for prom for this, for that. You’re like, there’s no way to escape your parents. How did you do that?

Breanna (10:23): I’ve, I have no idea. She lived with her mom. But, um, she said she wore big clothes and she just, I guess like tried to avoid her, but they were, they were definitely like that year she said it was definitely like a lot of fighting happening between them. So, um, I’m not sure how she got away with that,

Damon (10:47): but can you imagine what that must’ve been like for her to, I either try to go to graduation and can’t or go to graduation and then go directly to the hospital. I mean, that must have been surreal.

Breanna (10:58): Yeah. Nope, she couldn’t. Yeah, she didn’t even make it,

Damon (11:01): she didn’t make it to graduation.

Breanna (11:04): No, she didn’t.

Damon (11:05): Breanna thought it was pretty cool that she was born on her mother’s graduation day. Her birth mother said she almost made it to her goal of graduating and moving in with her sister,

Breanna (11:16): but she made it to graduation day and then like, her mom still made her give me up. So I think that’s a little defeating. I say.

Damon (11:25): Yeah, that’s a sensitive spot. Yeah. I could imagine.

Damon (11:28): Breanna told me she was getting a lot of information from her birth mother. So I asked if she learned about the circumstances for her conception. Unfortunately this is what she learned.

Breanna (11:39): I can see through sexual assault or rape. So my, my dad actually is on the news and the newspaper currently right now. He just went through his trial if you sentenced to life now. But he’s a serial rapist, this like very famous where I’m from I guess. So, um, she did tell me like, it was very detailed how she told me everything went down and she just kinda, she said like, she was really like, I want to answer any questions. I didn’t even ask her. I, I don’t really think I cared at the time, but like she wanted to make sure that I knew that I could ask her anything and she was willing to tell me everything. But it was a lot. I didn’t even ask for the information.

Damon (12:34): So keep in mind, Breanna is 19 when she learned all of this. In September of 2010 she was leaving for Marine Corps bootcamp, one of the most grueling physical and mental experiences a young person can endure. And she just found her birth mother. And she learned that she was conceived out of a violent act. I asked her how she felt at that time.

Breanna (12:57): I don’t think I really had time to think about that kind of stuff at the time. Um, I was, I was excited. I didn’t think I would get excited to find her, but I was excited that I found her. So like to me that was exciting and I didn’t want her to keep talking about that cause it seemed very heavy. Um, being that I left my house due to, um, substance trauma my own, so that’s why I was running away. So I, I don’t think at that time I don’t think I wanted to focus on that. Um, yes. And she was like, whatever you do, don’t contact him. Like, don’t look, don’t like whatever you do, don’t contact him. He’s really dangerous and stay away.

Damon (13:46):I wanted to go back for a moment because I had been thinking through her story in reversed order to that moment. She was heading off to bootcamp, discovered her violent conception, found her birth mother online after running away from home. Not too long after her adopted father had died. I don’t care who you are, that’s a lot. When I asked Breanna about her adopted father’s death, she said she never really processed it. Then she began to talk about her own feelings.

Breanna (14:15): They say that, um, I have issues like connecting with people. So like to me it’s like, okay, what sides? I can’t say that because my daughter is like the only one I feel like, okay, I can have a relationship with and I’m fine. But like I do, I did. I’ve always had a hard time connecting with people or like, I don’t want to say I, I definitely cared about people, but I didn’t like, I didn’t really feel very much, you know? Um, so like when he passed I was like, okay. I just remember it was so dramatic. If people were like, people definitely supported our family during that time. Um, especially school. The school was really supportive, but like, yeah, my dad passed away and two weeks later my mom moved this guy from my church into our house, so my parents were married for 26 years, so to be and so all of the, well actually I want to say all of the kids, we were like, are you serious? It was kind of confusing for us.

Damon (15:17): Breanna said her dad was kind of the glue that kept the family together. Thanksgiving’s changed from massive family events to nothing. Her brother moved out, her sister was sent to an all girls home and Breanna ran away because she was being sexually abused. She didn’t say who her abuser was. Breanna started her United States Marine Corps career at 29 palms in California, went to cherry point North Carolina, then returned to camp Lajune before leaving the military in 2017 I wanted to hear more about how much contact Breanna had with her birth mother during her military service

Breanna (15:56): bootcamp. I had no contact at all. She said she would write me actually right before I left for bootcamps. She wanted to meet, but he didn’t show up. But during boot camp, like she did it right me. And then after that like you are pretty much, you, you, you’re pretty much able to do whatever you want. Um, like outside of working hours or outside of training hours. So, um, we did like text back and forth or email. It wasn’t very like a real genuine, I would say it was just like, Hey, I’m good. That was pretty much it, um, during that time I see ended up, she actually ended up divorcing her husband during that time because her husband even know about me. He didn’t know about me until I contacted um, her originally and was like, hi, I think you’re my mom. That kind of thing.

Breanna (16:49): But um, he felt like he was trying to support her because she was like super depressed and he didn’t know why. So like he would try to send her to counseling and try to, like, he had no idea that she gave a child up for adoption. So like he had emailed me during like I think I was at, I had just came back for bootcamp. He was like, Oh my gosh, you look just like Nicole, you’re a little version of her. And he was like, don’t tell your mom that I’m emailing you. But like this is shocking to me that she has a child. She never told me that. And I was like, well, I don’t feel comfortable that you’re emailing me, especially if you don’t want Nicole to know.

Damon (17:30): So Breanna told Nicole that her husband had been in touch. Nicole kind of already knew that was going to happen. She and her ex husband reassured Breanna that her emergence was not the reason for their divorce. Turns out they have two children. So Breanna has younger siblings on her maternal side, they were five and 12 when Breanna reached out to Nicole,

Breanna (17:52): I think I assumed that they would tell them I existed, but they never did. So like I think I backed off during my military time. I kind of backed off because I, it was so much work going on or so much of something going on that I wasn’t really focused on like having a relationship with her. So I wasn’t really focused on that when I had my own child. I think I did like, Oh, I was curious like, Oh look, you have a grandchild. But like I don’t think she was that interested either. And then when I got out of the military in 2017 I was really like, I want more kind of aid, you know, like I have more time to focus on this relationship. I have more time to get to know you. So like I was really interested then. So it was kinda like starting all the way over and we haven’t met

Damon (18:47): you and your biological mother have not met?

Breanna (18:49): No, we haven’t met. It’s confusing to me still because she says she wants to meet me. She always says she wants to meet me and then she’s like, she doesn’t want to meet unless she always has to excuse kinds of things. So, um, we haven’t met and her kids don’t. Well, her son knows. I actually contacted him last year, 2018 and I was like, Oh, like I’m your sister. And like I’m Nicole’s older like Nicole had me when I was, when she was back in 1991 and he was like, Oh, this is so great. Like he always knew there was something but he didn’t know what it was. So he was really welcoming and um, he’s a poet so I was like, yay. I write poetry. He writes poetry, so that’s pretty cool. But like, um, I haven’t reached out to her daughter who he’s, he was 19 when I reached out to him, but um, her, the daughter I haven’t reached out to, but she’s only like 14 now, 14 or 15.

Damon (19:57): Focusing on how Breanna said it was confusing that her birth mother said she always wanted to meet her daughter but never followed through. I asked her to tell me about when they failed to connect before she left for Marine Corps boot camp. Breanna said it happened twice during those two weeks before her departure. There was a going away party for Breanna, which she invited her birth mother to attend. She was disappointed when her birth mother didn’t show. She claimed she had work stuff come up at the last minute. The second time they were supposed to meet at a restaurant midway between them. Can you go back for a minute to your mom, your biological mother not meeting you? You said that when you were in either bootcamp or you were stationed somewhere, she was supposed to meet you and never showed up. Tell me what happened.

Breanna (20:45): Uh, okay. So right I left for bootcamp. Like we were having a party of like my going away party and she said she was going to come and she didn’t come and she said that she had work stuff to do and that was like the week before with my going away party and then like we were actually supposed to meet in Ohio and I was on my way there and she just didn’t come. So she says that she had stuff come up.

Damon (21:14): She stood you up somewhere?

Breanna (21:17): Yes.

Damon (21:18): Where were you that she was supposed to meet you?

Breanna (21:21): We’re supposed to be halfway between Indiana and Ohio. So she’s in Columbus, so it’s like three hours.

Damon (21:29): And what, what do you remember, I know I’m sensitive to the fact that you’ve said that you’ve been challenged to connect with people over time. So what did it, do you recall what it felt like for you to be stood up by this person who said they want to meet you and you’ve driven it several hours to go there.

Breanna (21:46): I think for me, well because of her, like I really, at that time I was okay like it was pressing, but at the same time it was like, okay, it’s okay because you know, it’s my, like I was still super excited about the thing like, Oh she has work. Oh, something came up. So like I think I was fine. But I think now that I’m older, like it’s more crushing than it was then. But I think I was, I think I was like sad, but it wasn’t like a big deal because I had so much going on and like looking, I did screenshot and save email, but looking at the emails and was like, Hey, like, what’s going on? Like, why, why do you not want to talk to me? And like looking at the email, it’s like she, she did the same thing that she’s, she’s done in the past, you know, like, like, Oh, I’m so excited. And then, Oh, I just happened to come up and I’m just so tired. It’s a lot. And I was like, okay, that’s fine. Like I was okay. But I, um, it did feel like I was like a little child hoping that she would want to try again or keep trying. And you know, so I think because it was so fresh back then, like it was only like two weeks of going back and forth, two or three weeks that I was okay with it. It wasn’t that big of a deal.

Damon (23:05): Since Breanna has identified her birth mother’s pattern of behavior, I wondered if she felt like she wanted to confront her about it. She said they’ve talked on the phone and she’s tried to raise the issue from time to time.

Breanna (23:17): Well we didn’t talk about this stuff. Like why do you keep standing up type of, or like why do you like do you lot want to progress type of thing. You know, like she avoids these conversations. So if I do break them up and I texted it to her or something, she will not respond to me. So I’ve learned just not to bring it up. She does not respond if I ask like, Oh, like did you talk to your daughter about this or do you not want to meet? And she will say, I’ve never told you I don’t want to meet you. Um, and I, and she’ll say things like, Oh, I think I have visualized one day that will be so like recently I did say like, well, I guess we’re never going to meet, I did say not like a month ago. And she was just like, she was like, well, I see us meeting one day, maybe one day.

Breanna (24:08): So it’s always maybe, um, she did, we did talk about like, she feels really guilty and I think that’s why she doesn’t want me to hate her. She thinks that I should hate her and I don’t hate her. Um, it does make me angry now that like you’re wasting time. We could be like, we could be going forward, but like I don’t hate you for giving me up. Like I really don’t hate her. And I think that I jumped into my childhood too fast, like telling her about my childhood too fast and my experiences. I felt really comfortable with telling her that and I really think I should have waited. I think that that kind of like shocked her type of thing and were out of her know, like I think she assumed that my childhood would be perfect.

Damon (24:58): Oh, I see. And the fact that, yeah, I, I’ve been thinking as you’re talking about everything that she might be going through too, and I didn’t know until you just said this, that, and I hadn’t even put two and two together, that you were conceived out of violence and then you have also had a life experience of trauma. And of course, as you’ve said, she would have hoped that you would have had a better life than what she might have been able to provide or could have been mentally ready to provide given how you were conceived. And then it sounds like, as you’ve said, you’ve revealed too early that it wasn’t the, the picture that she would have painted for you. Um, but I also, as you were talking, I was thinking about the fact that, um, as with any birth mother, when this child comes back, it brings back every single thing that even led up to the child’s conception, let alone the aftermath for her as a person. And I’m wondering if her inability to actually physically show up with you is partially because mentally it has brought it all back. And to physically see you as an adult will also then bring it all back, even though it could end up eventually being healing in time. That’s gotta be tough. That has got to be hard. And the fact that you just said, this person who attacked her is currently in the news, like that’s even worse because now she can’t escape it. Oh man,

Breanna (26:41): she definitely can’t. Yeah. And I think, I think I up until recently, I am just now realizing like she has a lot of trauma and I can’t completely keep saying like, Oh, you don’t want to meet me. Like it’s because it’s a lot. And like, even though she said, Oh, it has nothing to do with it, like you’re a part of me, she does say like, Oh, you’re a part of me. Like this has nothing to do with it. But like she, she told me, she definitely told me like, she’s strong and she doesn’t want to, like, this does not control her type of thing. So, um, we did this last year, last year we had, we did have a conversation and she did say like how she felt and like one time, one time we had a good conversation about her feelings and she just feels really, she feels really guilty and like she didn’t even know my parents got paid. So like to her it was like she could have, she could have used that money to take care of taking care of me. But like I’m not, like I’m not upset about my childhood at all because it’s like, it’s how I got to where I am and I’m, I’m okay with that, you know? But yeah, it’s definitely hard on her and I, I cannot imagine the bad guy on the news.

Damon (28:02): Can you imagine? Breanna’s birth mother was raped. She found Nicole, but they haven’t fully reunited. And in the midst of it all, the trial for Nicole’s serial rapist is playing out on the local television stations, bringing back all of the trauma for Breanna’s birth mother. After she left from Marine Corps bootcamp, she went through a phase of doubting that this man was even the guy, she pulled out her non identifying information to look for the guy’s name. She realized the name her birth mother gave her for this guy was not the name on her non ID. Nicole told her that’s the name he was going by back then.

Breanna (28:41): I actually contacted sisters and she was like, nobody knows that name cause it was like a big name I guess that nobody knows. And then his sister actually did the um, DVA test for me and to like verify that we were related. Um, that worked out. But yeah. But I, I guess I never thought about all the things that keep coming up for her, you know, that she has to deal with.

Damon (29:11): Yeah. Was that you were at a place where you wanted to, you didn’t want to believe that he was the guy. Was it a little bit hurtful too for the aunt to confirm that he is the guy?

Breanna (29:26): Yeah. Um, because I told you I didn’t really focus on my dad this whole time. Up until last year and it was because of those like don’t contact him. Like he’s really dangerous and like I started actually looking into like all the news articles and stuff that was on the internet and I was like, this can’t be, I was going through my own like recovery period for myself. So to me I was like, this can’t be a part of my life. Like sexual assault can’t be like, it can’t be a part of me type of thing. I tried to believe that. Yeah. I don’t know why I included him, but like I wanted to believe that he was not a part of me and he is, but I’ve learned through my own counseling. I’m good now that you know he’s not really, it’s not a part of me. It’s not a part of who I am.

Damon (30:21): Yeah, yeah.

Breanna (30:24): Something someone has done.

Damon (30:27): right that’s right. It’s, I had another guest say a similar thing that it doesn’t define who I am. I am who I am. Regardless of how I got here. I want to ask you something else about your interactions with your biological mother, because you’ve said some really powerful things here to me, and I’m wondering if you have taken a moment as a writer, a poet, to sit and write down some of this forgiveness and regurgitate some of her own words back to her so that she can hear from you that, that you acknowledge some of the things that you’ve heard her say she feels. And to tell her very directly that you forgive her, you don’t hate her and stuff. Because a phone conversation is one thing where there’s back and forth and you can hear the person’s voice and you can immediately start thinking, Oh, here’s how I’m going to respond to that.

Damon (31:23): And you can get in, you know, defensive mode and put your wall up. But when you read somebody’s letter, you can’t talk back to them and you have to absorb everything that they’ve said all at once. And I just wonder, have you thought about writing her a letter that says, I don’t hate you. I forgive you. What happened? Does not define us. I’m hoping to move forward. I know this is traumatic for you. Um, but I’m hoping that, you know, we can work through this together. Like have you thought about that and have you done it?

Breanna (31:57):

Um, I think I’ve written her before, but I, and I’ve written poetry for her before, so I think it wasn’t from a place of, I’m not mad at you. I think it was from a place of hurt pretty much. You know what I mean? It wasn’t like I’m not mad at you. Like I understand and I, and I really think that now, like recently in the last few couple of weeks that I’ve, I’m at a place to where I’m saying like, Oh, like you’ve gone through a lot. I wasn’t looking from that one. From that, from the lens I was looking at was why do you keep leaving me? Or like from when I was baby and how much I love you, that kind of thing. It wasn’t, I mean, I hear you, I see what you’re, what, what’s happening, you know, I haven’t gone that way and I feel like I should. I really do because I gave up on that kind of stuff because I feel like she doesn’t want, like if we text, she just, she does not want to read a whole bunch of stuff. It needs to be simple. So I wasn’t like a lovey dovey type of person. I ended up stopping that because I think last mothers day, they’re pretty, pretty much my heart if I didn’t get any response back. So I have, I think that was kind of like kinda hurtful. I think

Damon (33:22): as we closed, I asked Breanna how she felt about her journey and how it has impacted her as a mother. I appreciate you taking time, Breanna, to tell your story. This is, this is really fascinating. Let me ask you something else, if you don’t mind, given all that you’ve been through in your adopted family with your biological mother, learning about your origin and now you’re a mother yourself, how, how do you go into parenting with your daughter?

Breanna (33:55): Uh, I’m, I feel like I’m very cautious about everything that I do and everything that I say. Um, I don’t know. It’s so different because my daughter and I love her so much and I will do anything to make sure I’m good and like mentally healthy and physically healthy to make sure she’s physically and mentally healthy, you know? Um, so I really feel like it’s, it’s a love approach. Um, it’s not, it feels really natural. I don’t know how anyone else cannot feel the natural, um, love that’s there. So that’s really it. I guess. I love my child.

Damon (34:43): I’m sure she loves you too. That’s really cool. Well, Breanna, thank you so much for taking time to share your story. I appreciate it and I know that other adoptees too appreciate hearing the reality that you’ve lived and I’m glad that you’re in a, in a good place where you’ve recognized like the things that have preceded this moment have not defined me as a person. It is me and, and how I, I navigate these experiences that defines me as a person and I think that’s really awesome. Take care Breanna. Thanks so much for the call. I appreciate it.

Breanna (35:22): you too.

Breanna (35:22): All right, take care. Bye. Bye. Hey, it’s me. Breanna lived what birth mothers never want to hear that their child was potentially worse off out of their care.

Damon (35:38): She said she tried to break free from the fact that her birth father was a serial rapist, but when their biological connection was confirmed, therapy helped her see that she has the power to define how she views herself as a woman and a mother. She has built the strength within herself to see that how she was conceived does not define who she is. I can’t even imagine what her birth mother is going through with Breanna’s return coinciding with the trial of her attacker in recent news, I hope she can find a strength to meet Breanna one day so that they both can continue to heal together. I’m Damon Davis and I hope you’ll find something in Breanna’s journey that inspires you, validates your feelings about wanting to search or motivates you to have the strength along your journey to learn. Who am I really? If you like the show, I hope you’ll support me on PayPal or Venmo. You can find me at or Venmo at Damon L Davis. I hope you’ll leave a rating wherever you get your podcasts. I try to read as many as I can because they inspire me to keep going, and as you know, those ratings can help others to find the podcast too.

Who Am I Really?

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